What is Bullying?
Usually found in schools or social groups, bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that repeats itself or has a high likelihood of doing so. It also always has a power imbalance, which may be physical and/or social. Bullying includes actions such as:
- Name calling
- Teasing
- Spreading rumors or lies
- Physical attacks (i.e. shoving, hitting, kicking)
- Ostracizing
- Threatening
- Stealing
- Sexual comments, gestures, or actions, including sexual assault
Cyberbullying is bullying that can occur online or through a cellphone. Primarily, cyberbullying is verbal (harassing or threatening) or relational (spreading rumors). However, it can also involve property damage from electronic attacks like hacking. In this case, a bully might destroy, modify, or spread information belonging to their target.
Usually, bullying does not involve only two students. Instead, groups of students often support one another, either by active participation or encouragement or passivity. Bullies themselves can be varied. They may be popular and well-connected, or marginalized and bullied themselves.
Bullying is not:
- One-time physical fights
- Arguments, even online, where both sides participate
Bullying is also not illegal, except when it becomes assault or harassment. Hazing also can be a criminal form of bullying. But this does not negate its need for serious intervention. And that intervention begins in the home.
Communication
As an adult, you can catch bullying early on and work to stop it by practicing good communication with teenagers. Sometimes that’s easier said than done. But you can start by showing a genuine interest in the things your adolescent or teen likes. You’ll be better able to notice odd changes or suspicious new peers, or even the lack of social interaction if they are being ostracized.
Detecting bullying may also come with specific questions. Bullying often can happen at lunchtime or while riding the bus, or even between and during classes when a teacher isn’t looking. Ask questions like:
- What was something good that happened today?
- Did anything bad happen today?
- What’s riding the bus like?
- What is lunchtime like?
Set the Example
Avoid spreading gossip and hurtful comments about your own peers. Children tend to follow their parents’ example, and may imitate you by being unkind to their classmates or neighbors.
Show your children that there is no place for bullying in your life or theirs. Take the initiative to stand up to gossip, rumors, and hurtful comments even in your own life. Showing your child that you can fight bullying even as an adult will help them do the same. This is especially important because intervening regardless of age makes a huge difference.
Bad behavior like bullying in any form may crop up in the media as well. Use it as a teaching opportunity for your teenager on what they might do if they witness such a situation. Or, see if your child relates to the victim or the bully, and open a line of communication about it. This can take the glamour off the media representation, and help them relate with something that they understand or enjoy.
Take Action
If your child confesses an act of bullying has happened to them or someone they know, listen! It is not just ‘kids being kids’–indeed, bullying can become more serious if left unchecked. Take the chance to approach your students’ teachers and administrators to make them aware of the problem.
If you are concerned about bullying, make sure that your child’s entire school community is involved in stopping it. This includes other students, their families, administrators, teachers, bus drivers, nurses, and other staff members. Also, make sure that there is more than a zero-tolerance culture in place. Zero tolerance policies can exist without a culture of respect or trust in the school. And this, ultimately, may make a bullying problem worse rather than solve it.
Check out www.stopbullying.gov for more information about preventing and stopping bullying at any stage.