Empathy is essential for working with other people, from motivating your coworkers to making friends. It can make you happier and healthier by reducing stress and strengthening relationships. Plus, it’s a real-life superpower, for those of you who wish you were telepathic. We’ll show you six ways to increase empathy in your life.
Why should I increase my empathy?
Our relationships grow stronger when we learn to let go of ourselves. This is not to say you should be a doormat, or so self-sacrificing that you cause yourself harm. But learning to compromise and understand helps you not only gain more trust in your relationships, but to avoid serious and damaging conflict.
Empathy also helps lower your stress by making you less defensive and likely to judge. Think how much lower your stress would be if you didn’t spend all day cussing out the driver who cut you off on the road. Understanding what their situation might be makes it easier to let go of small grievances that harmed no one. If you let go of your stress this way, you’ll suffer far fewer health issues.
How do we improve our empathy? Here are our six solutions:
#1: Read more
Reading is already a great way to relax and learn, and even socialize for many people in book clubs. But many of us could stand to read more! When reading, choose books with more complicated characters than archetypes. These can be classics or literary fiction, or less black-and-white characterization (i.e. obviously evil antagonists and innocent heroes). Having to infer or interpret rather than being “told” in writing helps stretch your empathetic muscles.
#2: Listen as a “mirror”
When listening to a complaint or a concern from a friend or partner, your response may be passive agreement or eye-rolling. For example, your partner tells you, “I don’t like coming home and seeing the pile of dishes in the sink.” It’s easy to dismiss this as nagging. But instead of grumbling, try paraphrasing their concern. “I understand. You’re worried about how much work dried-on food takes to remove.”
It’s not the most fluid method of conversation. But your partner should appreciate the effort you’re visibly putting into interpreting their concerns.
#3: The Golden Rule isn’t always right
Instead of “treating others as you would like to be treated”, alter the Golden Rule a little. Learn what another person likes, doesn’t like, and what makes them tick so you can treat others as they want to be treated.
#4: Turn the tables
Our children hear this all the time: “How would you feel if Charlie took your toys away from you?” Yes, it’s trite. But altering this important lesson for adults can increase empathy as well. Ask what someone else is getting out of a risky behavior or extravagant spending, rather than simply complaining about it. Asking why helps you work to understand and possibly change those bad behaviors.
#5: Validation
Even if you don’t agree or approve, small and affirming phrases can open doors that might be closed by accusations or irritation. Withholding judgment will help others feel supported and understood, even if they know you don’t agree or condone their actions.
#6: Experience heartache
This step won’t be fun or easy. But as Melinda Gates said in Standford’s 2014 Commencement address, “In the course of your lives, without any plan on your part, you’ll come to see suffering that will break your heart. When it happens, and it will, don’t turn away from it; turn toward it. That is the moment when change is born.”
Look at tragedy, pain, and injustice and let it sink in what’s happening. Don’t just think “Phew, I’m glad what’s not me,” but let yourself step into the sufferers’ shoes to understand what they must be going through. You’ll inspire yourself to change your own life, and the lives of others. Knowing pain, rather than avoiding it, will make you a better counselor to those around you.
How have you increased your empathy, or shown empathy to others? Comment below and share your stories!